


When Forever Rolls on Through, I'll be Holding On to You

by LesboDyke



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, F/M, I will crush your soul, Non Binary Hanji, Sickness, Terminal Illnesses, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 04:51:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8131091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LesboDyke/pseuds/LesboDyke
Summary: Hanji gives Levi their jacket and he reads their notebooks.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by my new LeviHan theme, 'Holding On' by Johnny Stimson. The title is also lyrics from that song.
> 
> Also, I'm sorry.

“Here.” Hanji grinned as they offered their jacket out to Levi. His had been destroyed in their last skirmish with the Titans, ripped to shreds by him speeding through underbrush and thorns.

“Keep your shitty jacket, four eyes.” Levi scoffed, not surprised that his response just earned him a laugh from the scientist.

“We’ll never hear the end of it if you catch a cold, Levi.” They draped the jacket over his shoulders, kissing his cheek playfully.  
“Keep it till you get a new one.” With another grin, Hanji hurried away. Part of him wanted to call after Hanji, tell them to take their jacket back, with that thin shirt they had on, they’d catch their death, especially since they were going on with the advancement troupe to scout out the lay of the land ahead of them, but most of him felt better, wearing their jacket. It was too big, naturally, and heavier than his because of the notebooks she kept in it, but it felt comfortable, and warm. And although he’d never admit it to anyone, he liked the fact that it smelled of Hanji. He slid his arms into the sleeves and rolled them up so his hands were free before heading to watch the advanced team leave.

Hanji was wrapped in their rain cloak, fixing their goggles on their face as they stood by their horse.

“Hey, fucker.” Levi approached them, earning a loving and bright smile from Hanji. They wave and the glint of the simple band of silver he’d put on their finger still caught him by surprise.  
“Don’t fucking die or I’ll kill you.” He warns, fingers gripping at Hanji’s cloak to pull them down into a kiss. Hanji laughs as they cup Levi’s cheek and kiss him back.

“I’ll do my best, Levi.” Hanji promised, kissing him again before swinging up onto the horse. He watched as they rode out, laughing and waving over her shoulder at him and something curled slightly in his gut. It didn’t feel right. Of course, Hanji had been out plenty of times without him, they were rarely together when they were outside the walls, but this time felt different. Something felt... off. But he shook it off and went back to what he was supposed to be doing.

Levi was lounging in their tent, trusting those on watch to alert them if a Titan appeared through the trees. Despite the tent being heated, he still had Hanji’s jacket tight around him. It was helping with the feeling that was niggling in his gut.

“They’re back!” Levi did his best not to run out to make sure his Hanji was okay. He had better decorum than that. Plus, the shitty idiot would just tease him if they thought he was worried. So he moved at his regular pace, out to meet his Partner. Maybe he wouldn’t fight so much when they pulled him into bed for cuddles tonight.

“Captain Levi!” Someone was trying to hold him back, suddenly, and that feeling in his stomach increased as he pushed past them.

“Get the fuck off of me!” He demanded, pushing through. The team dismounted and Levi’s eyes scanned the group anxiously, feeling like he was going to throw up when he couldn’t spot Hanji.  
“Where are they? Where is four eyes? If that fucking brat is playing some kind of twisted prank...” As the words left him, he knew what had happened, but he didn’t want to admit it. It couldn’t be happening again. First Isabel and Farland, then his team and then Erwin, it couldn’t be happening again. Hanji was too good at their job!

“Captain Levi...” Levi didn’t know the name of the girl that approached him, clutching at a cloth. Levi stared at her, his brain steadily shutting down in disbelief. This couldn’t be what it looked like. This had to be some kind of stupid prank, Hanji was probably hiding nearby and would jump on him in a few moments.  
“I’m sorry, Captain. She...”

“They!” His correction was immediate. He knew that Hanji didn’t really care, but he did. And he constantly corrected those that dare get it wrong.

“They... they fought hard but something happened when sh-they were trying to fight. Section Commander Hanji was taken out by a ten metre Titan, which was summarily cut down... This was all we managed to recover.” The girl shakily held out the cloth and Levi took it, unable to look anywhere else as he peeled it back. The shape didn’t make any sense to him at first, until his eyes focused properly and he recognised the silver band that rested on the finger. That simple silver band that he’d spent two months wages on, just for them.  
He could feel the eyes on him, waiting for his reaction to the news. He kept his face as calm as he could manage, sliding the ring off of their hand and slipping it into the pocket of Hanji’s jacket.

“Find a place to store this. We’ll take it back and bury it properly.” He thrust Hanji’s arm back at the girl, before turning on his heel and walking away.

Levi re-entered their tent and glanced at the bed. He wouldn’t be going anywhere near that tonight. He settled into the chair and pulled the ring out of his pocket, turning it over in his hand and staring at the similar band on his own hand. Without thinking, he slid Hanji’s ring into his finger. The size difference between them was ridiculous to him. Hanji’s ring was so much bigger than his finger.

He slid it off his finger and set it back in the pocket of the jacket, his fingers brushing against their notebooks. He pulled one out, and written right across the front, in big, bright letters was the word:

_TITANS!_

Levi snorted through his nose as he flipped it open. Inside, Hanji’s handwriting was meticulous and neat as they detailed all they knew about the Titans, starting from the first ones they’d captured, through to Sawney and Beane, along with the things she’d noted about Eren, the Female Titan, and everyone else they’d come across. He set that down and pulled out the other one, unsure as to what they could possibly be keeping in there.

_How to treat_

The words scrawled over the front of the book concerned Levi, so he quickly flipped it open. At the top was the date, set two years ago, just after they’d caught the Female Titan.

_Coughed up some blood. Passed out while attempting to work. Went to medic. Swore him to secrecy, he’s given me some herbs to treat._

Levi frowned and started to flip through it slowly, taking the time to read each word. If his stomach had been twisted before, it was tied in knots at this point. The notebook tracked Hanji’s illness through the two years. One date caught his attention. Four months ago. Their wedding day.

_Coughed up significant blood this morning. Herbs aren’t working any more. Taken all I can anyway, along with the ones to stop me from passing out._  
_Hope I can get through the vows and the dance. I can’t put this on Levi. He worries so much, even if he doesn’t say it out loud and this is our day. I refuse to ruin it. I’ll tell him once we’re married._

Levi didn’t cry. He couldn’t honestly remember the last time that tears had spilled down his cheeks, but right now, there were two tracks slowly making their way down his face. How hadn’t he noticed that Hanji was so sick? And why hadn’t she told him? His heart constricted and his stomach continued to tie in knots.  
He kept reading until he reached the last page and then he really felt like he was going to throw up.

_Levi,_

_You destroyed your jacket, you’ve given me the perfect way to say goodbye. Keep the jacket, short stuff, but maybe tailor in the sleeves._  
_If you’ve found this then you’ve read the whole notebook. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I wanted to, but it never seemed like the right time. Either you were so happy that I didn’t want to spoil it, or everything was going to hell again and I didn’t want to add to it._

_I know this is the end. I know I’m not coming back from this mission to scout the road ahead. If a Titan doesn’t get me, I’ll send the team back alone and stay out here until this sickness takes me. I’m not going to let you see me go. My hands are shaking as I write this, I hate myself for doing this to you, because god only knows that you don’t need any more loss in your life. But I can’t let you watch me waste away._

_I hope I kiss you before I leave. I hope I get that chance. I want your last memory of me to be that. To be us happy, just for a second, as we kiss. Because that’s how I’ll remember you. You angry, stubborn, little man who stole my heart and swore at me when I took yours in return._

_I love you, Levi. There’s not enough words in this world to tell you how much I love you, and I’m so glad that I got to spend so much time with you. I know people don’t live long in our line of work, and I know you’re not likely to listen to this advice, but I’m going to give it anyway._

_Move on from me. Don’t let me be another excuse to close yourself off from the world and not let anyone else in._  
_There will be someone else who will make you smile like I do (I know you smile at me, even if you think I don’t) and there will be someone else who’ll make you happy. Be with them. Live with them._

_I love you, Levi._

_Hanji_

Levi closed the book slowly, swallowing and wiping at his eyes. He slid the notebook back into the pocket of the jacket and pulled the material tight around him.

“Stupid fucking four eyes.” He mumbled weakly, wiping at his eyes again to try and stem the tears that fell not just for his Hanji, but for everyone he’d lost.  
“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry?


End file.
